Mum is the mood maker

I have always wanted to be a positive mum by praising and encouraging my children. I must admit that lately I found this to be really hard. My kids (4 years & 2 years) over the last few months have gone from sickness to sickness. Our mornings in particular have been hard with many tears and tantrums (me included!). I have seen our mornings spiral out of control into unhappy messes. This is not what I have ever wanted for my family and I am determined not to settle for it.

As I reflected one evening on what I would like our mornings to be like I could see the happy families that are presented on sitcoms or you read about in books. It then dawned on me that I as mum, I am the ‘mood’ maker for the family. If mum wakes up cranky and grouchy it doesn’t take long for the mood to catch on, also that if mum is happy and cheerful that too will be the ‘mood’. Even if mums wakes up happy but her first response to a child is negative, I think the mood is set. So, the next morning what was going to be my response as my little 2 year old wakes up and cries for cuddles way before 7am? (our get up out of bed time). Was I going to yell from my bed for her to be quiet? Well this is how it went.....

At 6:45am Miss 2 woke up (a bit later than usual, which was a good start). She stayed in bed, like she is suppose to. At 7am I went down the hall, past Mr 4’s room first. I started with ‘good morning my babies, well done for staying in your beds’ with a cheerful happy voice. So quickly it caught on, I got two big cheeky smiles and lovely morning cuddles. Then we went downstairs for breakfast and some of the now habitual grizzles started, so I reminded my children kindly and happily that we need to make a choice to speak kindly and happily to each other so that we show love to each other. Now really that sounds a bit over the top, but the reality is it works. Especially given that this is the language that has been used in our house for the last two years.
My focus as a mum has not only to be positive (when I remind myself) but to teach my children values and virtues. Virtues really are the ‘why’ for all the behaviours that we try to correct in our children. Why don’t we hit others, because it is not kind. Why do we share, because it is kind. Kindness is the virtue that probably explains the ‘whys’ for many of the early behaviours I have tried to shape in my children. Another of my favourite virtues is obedience why do we sit still on our bottoms at dinner time because it shows ‘obedience and self control’. Hopefully at some point in my children’s life I won’t have to be the voice that reminds them of the virtue, but instead they will internally choose the right behaviour or action because they will choose to show kindness, obedience, patience, self control, etc. We have always tried to focus on praising our children in particular for the virtues that they have displayed so they know the ‘why’ of the action.

I have formed a lot of my parenting philosophies and strategies from great books like Terrific Toddlers, Baby Bliss and Dare to Discipline.