Rewarding, not bribing

Have you ever fallen into the trap of using a Reward Chart as a bribing tool? I know I have! I can even give you a recent example.

My kids were both sick, we were having a quiet day in front of the tv, as they just didn't have the energy to do much else. The local paper sent out a photographer as they wanted to do a story on Little Billies (woo hoo!). The photographer arrives to take a photo of me and then says, hey lets have a photo with you, your product and the kids.... well ordinarily I would have had the foresight to prepare my kids for this. They weren't actually suppose to be at home that day, but because they were sick, they were. I would have explained to them what was happening, how they could help mummy, etc. But it didn't occur to me to do any of this on this particular day (isn't that always the way).

I then tried to get my kids to get up off the lounge for a photo. They were not agreeable at all! My daughter cried at the thought, my son did loud grumbles. I knew that my best shot was my son. After a few attempts, the photographer could see I was failing (how embarassing!) and tried to coerce my son by coming to looking at her camera. With that he started to move. Got into place and she was able to take a couple of shots. Unfortunately my son was not in the smiling mood though :(. I then attempted tickles, etc. My efforts were all in vain. Then out came the BRIBE 'I will give you a 'happy face' magnet for your chart'. Ah, the smile came, we got some shots and the photographer went on her merry way.

Me, well I was left with a bad taste in my mouth. This is not what reward charts are all about! It is about identifying behaviours that you want to help your children develop, not bribing them to do things on the spot. We weren't even working on 'happy face' approach for anything at the moment. The magnets up near his chart were good listening, good toilet, ready for the day and kindness.....

So how do you apply the principle and only identify the behaviours and only reward for those behaviours you are working on? Well, at the beginning of each week, or at the completion of filling up a chart. Identify what behaviours you want to teach your child. Select the magnets you will use and then sit and talk with them about what each magnet will mean, what behaviours you are looking for and that you will be rewarding them when they are displayed. You could even discuss the reward at the end if there is not a standard approach to this.

If you have the time, may I even suggest that you read my Reward Chart philsophy....