Kids Hooked on Praise

I recently had an interesting online chat (brief chat) about kids getting over praised. So I thought it might be timely to ask Eleanor Formaggio, Childhood Behavioural Specialist from Parent with Potential for her insights on the topic.

Here is what she had to say on the topic:

As parents we are encouraged to praise our children but can it be too much?

Children are motivated by parental acceptance and approval which has been linked with good self-esteem. The most common way of displaying our acceptance and approval is through praise. Praise and encouragement often leads to more positive behaviour and in this article explores how to avoid the pitfalls of too much praise.

Making praise work:

Make praise specific: Does your child know how they have pleased you? Try to notice specific improvements your child is making and comment on those, focus on what or how they have done something. Instead of saying a broad statement like “good job” elaborate by saying what you noticed “I noticed how you shared your toys today with little billy “you got dressed all by yourself – that’s great”.

Provide praise that encourages the potential for the child to talk about the experience of what they have done “You looked happy when you got dressed all by yourself” this allows them to think about their feelings and analyse their own efforts.

Also being aware that some children don’t like praise to be given publicly, so if you have a child who is more gentle in nature or quiet, he/she may benefit from more individual praise.

If you think your child is praised too much.

Don’t stop totally - but limit the praise to behaviour you want to see more of and make it count.

Children learn quickly and some children require much more positive attention and encouragement than others. If your praise isn’t encouraging a change in behaviour it may not be working and try one of the approaches given above or seek some help.

If your child appears to be in a habit of calling you for affirmation or praise often, to see what they have accomplished or are doing?

Try to lead into the praise with a question? This will hopefully get them to think more consciously, for themselves, about what they have achieved and give you an idea of what to praise them for if it is appropriate. “Oh I see you’ve built tower out of lego, what do you like most about it?”

Help children to develop their own sense of satisfaction and self-acknowledgement, hopefully they can draw on that experience in the future when faced with the same situation. “How did it feel when you did that?”.

Our sincere thanks to Eleanor for this guest blog post! I love that she has given us the tools in language to get our little billies to internalise some of the praise.

Would love to know how you are going on the praise-o-meter....