One of our kids have been labelled. It was something that we have tried to avoid. We wanted our child to be able to live their life without being able to hide behind a label or live up to the expectation a label could bring.
From early on in our child's life, we believed that a label might come their way. We had naively thought, that if we don't get the child assessed that we could avoid the label. Ummm, no.
Our child is who they are, regardless of the label. People can see the flaws and the potential of our child without knowing the label. Just because we, the parents, tried to stop the label coming, didn't mean it was hidden from others!
Our child's teacher has LABELLED our child. The teacher recently pulled me aside to have a conversation about it, and then sent me to the Head of School to chat about it. I was then asked to go and have our child assessed.
I will openly admit.... I have really wrestled with this whole thing. I never wanted my child to be labelled. I think once someone is labelled people have preconceived ideas of what that label means and whether or not they are ignorant or knowledgeable there is still an expectation of what it will mean. We all adjust how we interact or treat differently LABELLED people, whether it be subconsciously or consciously. I know I have done, whether it be rightly or wrongly. I guess that is why I have tried to avoid a label on my child.
The reality is however, in family and social circles I have already unwittingly helped to attach this label to my child. In just sharing the battles and triumphs of parenting, I have revealed WHO my child is and the LABEL that comes with that. In simply sharing our lives together we become aware of the labels that should be attached to the people in our circles. Whether the label is from a professional or a personal observation is irrelevant in my opinion. The label still exists with the pre-conceptions.
So as I have begun to process the label that is attached to my child it has given me a greater awareness of all the labels. It has made my heart ache for mothers who have their children labelled. Whether the label is ADD, ADHD, Aspergers, Autism, Average, Overweight, Gifted, Talented..... whatever the label is, I think it comes with strings. That as soon as that label is slapped across the head of a child the child is then treated differently, differently in how we think we should treat them, given their label of course.
The lesson I have learnt in this, is that we are all labelled. That regardless of the label, that child is full of potential, still has a whole life ahead of them with a course not yet mapped out. They are still have weaknesses and vulnerabilities.... we need to love them, for who they are and where they are in it!
Is your child labelled? Do you have any tips with how to help others relate to your 'labelled' kid?
This has been on my mind lately too - the whole labelling thing. It's hard not to label. I do it unintentionally between my own children. It's important that we're aware of it, and how the labelling may affect our children.
ReplyDeleteI'm yet to work out any tips on dealing with labels, but I thoroughly agree with your last paragraph:
That regardless of the label, that child is full of potential, still has a whole life ahead of them with a course not yet mapped out. They are still have weaknesses and vulnerabilities.... we need to love them, for who they are and where they are in it!
I must admit having 4 children, the 2 smallest ones 3 and 4 have been labelled babies, biggest mistake of my life and I admit I have done it and brought it all upon myself...don't hurt the babies, leave the babies alone, babies get out of that, babies stop climbing the pantry shelves. And I find now it has stuck with everyone, family friends, school friends, everyone our two little ones have been labelled the babies. They are not babies anymore but how do we get that across to everyone else now, or will they be babies for the rest of their lives???? I know this is probably off your topic, but feel I have labelled K and S for the rest of their lives...hmmmm
ReplyDeleteLabelling a child is a hard call I agree. The thing is, that sometimes a label or a diagnosis, which is often what it really is, gives us access to funding and services. the 'label' my child has is one of those, and in some ways I embrace it.
ReplyDeleteAspiring Mums - thank you!
ReplyDeleteKristin, you are not off topic at all, I guess that is my point! We are all labelled in one way or other regardless of where the label comes from.
Susan, you are absolutely right! It does give us access. Ultimately it is giving us more tools and resources to help our child receive their full potential.... which all a mama can really hope for their little billie :)
Even though I have had years working with kids with various 'labels' I still see the struggle every time the label 'officially' happens. We all have these dreams for our kids and somehow a 'label' is not part of a mums dream.(only for a little while though, as us mums are awesome at realising we knew the label was there all along - as Sarah said!)
ReplyDeleteI always tell the teachers or parents I work with that EVERY child in the classroom has a label. We treat every child differently already. Take a child with glasses for example, we don't suddenly say at 13yrs, 'Oh sorry sweetie but now you are 13, you should have outgrown the need for your glasses'. No - that would be nuts, we let her wear her glasses for the rest of her life and we 'label' her as a person that is 'short/long sighted.
I suppose it is just that sadly some labels are still a little more 'accepted' than others. BRING on the day when we all accept our labels and love each person for who they are within their label!
GREAT post Sarah!
Great post!
ReplyDeleteI have yet to experience this with my own children....definitely food for thought.
Thank you :-)
Helen x
Labels of any sort, and some more than others, evoke emotion, pre-conceptions and helpful or unhelpful responses from well meaning people.
ReplyDeleteIn response to tips to help others relate to your 'labelled' kid. I love how you summed it up, "that (the labelled) child is full of potential, still has a whole life ahead of them with a course not yet mapped out". Every child is influenced by those in their immediate family and environment.
Most important is the parent's response .... "to love them, for who they are and where they are in it!" It is at this time that a parent can be empowered to add to their knowledge and then 'educate' those whose information or understanding is limited.
Sarah, this is a great post and you are absolutely right - labels do not mean lack of potential!!! I don't know what the label is but usually in a school setting labelling will happen for funding....so I am hoping that this is the case for you and that your little Billy will get all the help - and not the sterotyping and negativity - that a label can bring. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Helen & Eleanor :)
ReplyDeleteErin, I was actually a parent helper on his class today and it has already amazed me at how his current teacher has embraced the label and engaging him where he needs it!
That is great to hear Sarah. Have been thinking about you today. Labelling can be good, too. Although it might not seem nice to label a child, it can be a quick way for professionals to have an idea about some of the issues your son might face. And it does not in any way change the lovely person he is. I hope the positives continue to outweigh the negatives.
ReplyDeleteI agree with previous comments, a label can help you more readily find answers, strategies, support, resources. Try and embrace the positive and know that we all live with labels, whoever we may be.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Sarah, it brought a tear to my eye... our kids are so darn precious, the label means nothing, it's what's in their hearts that counts xx
ReplyDelete